Every day, 97 things happen that I am sure someone would get a good laugh at. I may or may not be laughing at them. I had three adorable, manageable kids, then I had Brock, who is now the cutest, most loving 3 year old in the world, at select moments. Brock has a little brother named Blake, in the BTP, (Brockstar Training Program). I am 34 years old, have been married for 13 years, have 5 kids and sing now and then. I like to create, NOT COOK or CLEAN, which is turning out to be a great challenge since I am in charge of a house with 7 PEOPLE! I do love the people, though. Here for you all to laugh at me and with me, is a record of my funny life, the mistakes I make, and the lessons I learn while trying to earn, MY BIG GIRL PANTS.
Well, I haven't written for a long time. It has been a crazy 6 months. I just read my last thyroid post where it says,
"One day I forgot to take my thyroid pill and the next day I was a wreck. My whole body ached and I was an emotional mess. I wonder how many mental issues and depression are caused by an under active thyroid. I laid in bed and cried and was crazy and hurt all day.
I have some slighter mood swings now and then. I'll just feel like crying. I think before I had the thyroid out I was feeling symptoms of imbalance and was little crazy then also. I would flip out on the kids so quickly. I was also more aggressive and sometimes felt like I was running over people more than usual (I'm probably a little bossy by nature, I mean, I am bossy).
Ok, that's all for now. Except for sometimes I am really hungry too. So bring me some food. Cause I'll eat it. But no onions. And I am so tired, but sometimes I am not tired and feel better than I did before. Yah, I'm all over the place."
That is pretty much how the last 6 months has been like for me. I have a lot of days that are fine and I feel normal, then it all goes to hell in a hand-basket.
My poor family. I do a lot of yelling, followed by, "But I love you!" to try and minimize the effects of having a crazy-mom.
The scar is still a little bumpy and sensitive, but most people don't notice it. I put sunblock on it when I go out so the sun doesn't darken it. The skin is supposed to be very sensitive to that for a year or so.
Some people just go on after they have a thyroid taken out like nothing happened. I have talked to a lot of them. It is annoying. But some people have a harder time. My she-doctor says that she has had patients that have taken two years to get leveled out. I keep thinking I am good, then I'll forget my medicine or get sleep deprived or whatever and it all gets thrown off.
Well, I am going to get my bottle and blanket and go cry in my corner now.
Last night I was laying on the love seat in the kitchen. I was having a rough day, so lucky for me, I HAVE a love seat in my kitchen! That way I can just have a snack, then lay down, then chew on some jerky, then lay down, then have 2nd dinner, then lay down and so forth. It was probably like 10pm, since no one goes to bed until 11:30 this summer, (even if we are 3 y.o.). So I'm laying there feeling sorry for myself when Brock comes in with the biggest smile and joy pouring out of his ears like rainbows! He is on the fast-track straight to me from the other room and says, "Mom! I saw you on the computer and you were so beautiful! And I LOVED YOU!" Then he comes nose to nose with me and starts hugging me and kissing my face. After a minute, he gets this great idea! He takes my hand and yells, "Come on! Come on! Come and see you!" So I jumped up quick! Because I was like, "OK! It's been a long time since I have seen something like that!"
So we get to the computer and he shows me some pictures of me from our family photo shoot two years ago, which may have been the last time I did my hair and make-up on the same day. Then at 10:05pm, he starts pushing me into the bathroom to "do that again" to myself, "right now!"
Oh Brocker. Someday I will little friend. Someday I will. But not 2 hours past bedtime. And probably not this week. (PS, in the pictures I wasn't even that cute. But I didn't argue. I just reveled in his obsession with me.) He just kept smiling and saying surprised, "You are SO beautiful on the computer!"
In reference to this little guy, people have told me things like it's a good thing you have him, or that they "couldn't do it", or even that they fear their child might end up being like him. I get little comments or remarks from strangers and friends alike. Our parenting has been criticized and countless times, I have had to make a valiant effort to not be offended and remember that people outside our home don't know how we are working every day on little things to help this child make it in the world. It's not their fault, they were just blessed with genetically perfect children. Our children, on the other hand, got mine and Bob's genes.
What people don't understand that haven't been in my shoes, (and just so you know, my shoes are: "completely in love with a child that has an over-developed personality"), is that no matter what, I am on his side. Children can feel when they are being disapproved of, and this child is very sensitive to it. It is interesting to watch how he acts out the worst when he is with the people who are most critical of him. We adults are like that too, aren't we? I always find it difficult to say or do the right thing in the presence of someone I know is judging me.
One thing I have found to be true is that whenever I start judging someone for something, the Lord offers me that person's challenge so I can see the other side of it. I am quickly learning to not criticize. As Brock would say, "I am therious, mom. Therious." That word is "serious", if you don't speak LISP, as in, I am serious that I keep getting challenges that I judge other people for. It's annoying! I'm just sending that out there as a warning...wooooooooooo (ghost fingers)! I have also learned to be grateful for the cute little old ladies or men who laugh and remind us to enjoy him or encourage us by giving us a "good job" shout-out, instead of giving us dirty looks. And we are tearfully grateful for the neighbors and family members who love us unconditionally.
I contemplated posting this, but I know there are a lot of parents early in the parenting game that might have a challenge and need a little support. So here it is. Support! Keep going! Love! Don't beat the little one! I guess I'm also wanting people know what it is like to be on the this side of a strong child. I might love you, but I love him more. He is beautiful. And in case you haven't heard me tell him, he is just the little boy I wanted!
Thanks for checking in on the blog, it has been a while. Have a great weekend!
