Thyroid Journal Entry

I still feel great. My incision is healing nicely. It has quite a bit of scar tissue still but the bumpiness is a little better and the redness is calming down. I go to the endocrinologist on the 11th to talk about radioactive iodine and I'm going to see if there is a way to avoid it. Radiation gave me the cancer in the first place and I don't want any more, but I'll do whatever we decide. My ENT says it is controversial right now but he would do it since there was another small cancer spot starting to grow that they found from the pathology. I'm just going to throw out big words like "Pathology" now and then so I sound medically informed and a little cool. They may be used in the wrong context, I'm hoping you don't know.

The effects of not having a thyroid haven't been that bad. A few days after having the thyroidectomy, the extensions of my mammary glands (that means nipples, I don't really want to talk about this, but if someone is going through this also and finds my blog I want to give support and couldn't find much about it online), anyway, they hurt for a while but it went away. 

One day I forgot to take my thyroid pill and the next day I was a wreck. My whole body ached and I was an emotional mess. I wonder how many mental issues and depression are caused by an under active thyroid. I laid in bed and cried and was crazy and hurt all day.

I have some slighter mood swings now and then. I'll just feel like crying. I think before I had the thyroid out I was feeling symptoms of imbalance and was little crazy then also. I would flip out on the kids so quickly. I was also more aggressive and sometimes felt like I was running over people more than usual (I'm probably a little bossy by nature, I mean, I am bossy). 

Ok, that's all for now. Except for sometimes I am really hungry too. So bring me some food. Cause I'll eat it. But no onions. And I am so tired, but sometimes I am not tired and feel better than I did before. Yah, I'm all over the place.

 This was a couple hours after surgery. There were little spots all around the incision, even to my shoulders where I am guessing they had tacked the skin back or something for surgery.

 Two Days after surgery.

 10 days after surgery. When I took the tape off, most of that was just dried blood. The skin was really tender and red underneath. I took it off at two weeks.

Two Weeks after surgery. It was really bumpy. There was also a string sticking out from the inside stitches. The doctor had to pull on it and cut it and it was not fun. It feels almost like there is a long piece of cartilage running the length of the incision.

3+ Weeks after Surgery, today. You can't tell from this picture, but it sticks out little, I am told it is still swollen and that it will go down. It also still feels like the scar tissue or whatever is cartilage.

The Post Without a Moral, Almost.

There is a lot of funny going on around here lately.

Like when when the whole family was driving around during Christmas break and Blake started crying because Trevor, 10, took his nose and wouldn't give it back. I told Trevor he already had a nose and didn't need Blake's, so he gave it back. Blake's cry turned into a grateful whimper and he said, "Thanks Treb."

Rilee and Trevor have been having a blast this week making winter camp fires in the backyard. I'm probably going to regret that.

Speaking of regrets, I thought I was so cool because I was totally going to follow the "Asking Jane" protocol about iPods and phones. No phone until 16, no texting until 18, and no Ipods until 14. But somehow, I gave into peer pressure and now everyone here has an iPod and Rilee, almost 13 got a phone! We had a deal that if she got one she could only call me. I added to the list her dad and the Grandma who arm wrestled me and won to get her the phone. The Ri asked if she could just have one friend to text. I agreed because I like the friend and her mom is strict like me, she doesn't have a phone. So Rilee comes home today begging for two more of her friends to be able to text her. Being a mom is hard. She has never really had a group of friends until this year and WE ARE SO EXCITED! But I'm also very cautious about everyone having access to her all the time. What am I doing? It is all spinning out of control! I hope I am not making a mistake. She is a great kid, so does she deserve to have a phone because she is, or is she a great kid because she is so sheltered? THAT is the question.

I found a magical fairy called the "Flylady". Do you know about her? She is crazy and distracted and her house used to be CHAOS like mine, so she understands my problems, and she magic-ed a way to keep our houses clean! And so I am figuring a few things out I didn't know and couldn't do before. I was doing great all through the surgery, then Christmas vacation hit and when the kids went back to school on Wednesday, I literally cried because of the mess they left me in. I called my BFF and she came right over and pretty soon I had HER crying while she was folding my clothes. It was a bad day. But my dear love came home last night and fixed a bed and put in a light and started putting more shelves in all my closets, which he finished tonight before he finished my baseboards in the living room. Swoon, he just made everything better, enough that I can see the light again. Plus also BFF cleaned and organized my master bedroom closet for me. I was just going to throw in a match and shut the door.

So a day after one of the worst in recent years, I am at peace again. NOTE: I am noticing a little imbalance now and then from the thyroidectomy/hormone pill situation. You should keep that in mind for a while.

Well, the boys are on my bed with some glow sticks they found. They are fighting over who's is the grandpa and then they are cutting each other up with them, so I need to get off and laugh and stop the pending fights. Wait, now the glow sticks are reindeer antlers, and they are fighting over who is Santa and who is not flying the sleigh the right way and how Santa is out of presents.

Aren't you glad to have a post from me that DOESN'T have a moral to the story? And no order? I know my kids will be. Rilee told me I ruin all the movies because I point-out or create life lessons from them so then every time she watches it again she thinks about the lesson, and it ruins the movie. I can't help it, I'm a teacher, without a degree. And that is why I should have finished college, and THAT is now the lesson to this post.

All That Really Matters

Well, I have been having an adventure these past few weeks and it was called, "Thyroid Cancer".  This is the incision where they took my thyroid out. My kids say it looks like an old lady's mouth. Because this was a shot to get a good laugh out of all this, I drew the face of my alter-ego, "Grandma Cybil", who is a chain smoker from New Jersey.

Also, Grandma Cybil is a man's lady. I'm sure you got that.

I have had a lot of cool experiences the last few weeks. Among them is the sure knowledge that our Heavenly Father lives and loves us more than we can know here. Rather than muddy that message, I won't talk about anything else, it's all that really matters.

This is How it Goes Down

The Keys to the Wild Side

I have a problem and its name is "I can't find my keys for three days". I usually lose my keys three times a day, but never once for three days. I have looked everywhere and after several heart-felt prayers, with really good life or death reasons about why I need help finding my keys, I have come to the conclusion that the Lord is not going to enable my habit of careless key-keeping anymore. I think he is letting me feel the consequences of irresponsibility. That, or Brock and Blake have magically disappeared them, and not even divine intervention can help me now.

Because losing my keys is a daily occurrence, I have found them in strange places before, like the storage room downstairs, and in the bathroom cupboard with the central vacuum hose. They have been  in the laundry basket and once while being buried in the back yard. But I have gutted and cleaned the entire house. And nothing.

Ok, here is what you are thinking, "Doesn't she have an extra set?" No. I lost it 8 years ago when I first got the dang car and because I had another set I didn't worry about finding them. Plus also I'm dangerous, a rebel. I like living with the thrill of knowing if I lose my keys, it means I don't drive anymore.

But, while I was putting on Brock's jams tonight, I got a lead.  I asked him if he knew where my keys got lost and he said in the berry bush. Then Blake agreed. So I went outside to the berry bush he pointed to and he pantomimed Blake holding the keys over the giant, overgrown bush of some kind and did Blake starting to fall then dropping them in the bush! Knowing I could believe Brock because he is now 4 and trustworthy, at 11:00pm we put the truck lights on the shrub, and I set to work chopping down the bush to find the keys (which will cost $160 to have re-made)!

Now I have an ugly stump in my front yard. And no keys.

What got chopped off.

What is left.

Update: The keys were located this morning in a basket buried in folded little boy pajamas.  I'm sorry, berry bush.

Fight-Music of Mine

I was asked to write a song for our Stake Women's Conference on unity and not judging each other. I had been working on a song but I just couldn't get it right. Then one Sunday, I was walking down the hall at church when I passed a woman. My smile was met by her scowl. 

I had heard about this lady from other people. I had heard about how bad her kids were, how they were always in trouble, and about how her life was a mess. As I took in the hateful look she had just given me, I started to say to myself, "What a jerk", but in an instant, before I could even finish the thought, the Spirit whispered to me gently, "What do you think she has been through, to act like that?" And I suddenly knew her life had been very different from mine. I understood that she had been hurt, and hated and that she had not been taught love and kindness the way I had. 

And yet, here she was, at church.

Sister Hinkley once said, "Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

Amen, Sister Hinkley. We are! 

My testimony is strengthened by the many people who fight their battle with faith. They show up every Sunday, to whatever church they may go to, sick, tired, scared, confused, and hurting, but they show up.

Now, this is what I call a "Bathroom Recording", meaning it sounds like it was recorded in the bathroom, on Garageband, which it was. I hope it's ok anyway.

The Gift to Change

A few years ago, I was talking to an older friend about my failings as a mother. I was telling her how I kept screwing up by saying things and acting out of impatience. I told her  how mad I was at myself for not being a better person and how I knew I couldn't go back later and fix things if I ruined someone. Yah, "RUIN SOMEONE!", that is my biggest fear. K, I hate to brag right now, but every one of my babies was an absolutely perfect angel when they got here. I am not kidding. I had THE BEST babies. And THE WORST 3 year olds. So I am pretty sure some of that is my fault.

Anyway, this friend said one of those profound things that I will never forget. She said, "The thing about kids, is they will let go of what you did yesterday. They forgive. So you just do better starting today. Today is when things change." And I said, "But I'm not perfect and I don't know if I can just start being perfect!" Then she said, "Well, if you screw up again, you start over again. Everyday. Until change happens." And that to me, is one of the greatest gifts of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. The gift He gave us to change.

These are the scripture clips from the BOM index on CHANGE: Mosiah 5:7 hearts are changed through faith; 27:25 all mankind must be changed from fallen state, to state of righteousness; 5:2 Spirit has wrought mighty change in Benjamin's people; Alma 5:12-13 mighty change wrought in the hearts of Alma and his people; 5:14-26 have ye experience this mighty change in your hearts; 19:33 Lamoni and his household declare their hearts have been changed; Helaman 15:7 repentance brings change of heart; Ether 12:14 faith of Nephi and Lehi wrought change upon Lamanites.

From those references, we are given some great ideas on ways we can change:
1-We can change by having Faith in the Savior, Jesus Christ. Believing that He adores us, that He will take our mistakes if we give them to Him.
2-The Tenderness of the Spirit can change us, we just need to be in places where the Spirit dwells, or create a place where it can.
3-By having enough faith to trust and Obey the Living Prophet.
4-By wanting to change enough that we are willing to Repent, which means: a)We feel sorry, b)We ask the Lord for forgiveness and if serious enough, talk to a Bishop, c)Right the wrong, d)Stop what we were doing.
5-We can change Because of Another Person's Faith, Testimony and Love for us.

No matter how well we are doing, most of us would like to be better in different areas of our life. Some of us have major addictions or habits that are life-threatening. Some of us don't have control of our emotions and tempers. Some of us don't believe in ourselves and our potential. Some of us don't feel like we are contributing enough, or that we are needed. Some of us are selfish. Some of us hurt people's feelings, feel angry, hopeless, depressed, unloved or have no self-discipline. Some of us have made mistakes we are embarrassed of. And the one thing we all have in common, is that through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, starting this second, We Can Change.