Perhaps the person I have been the biggest brat to, is now one of my most favorite people in the world. My Other Mother, ie. my Mother-in-Law.
When Bob and I were first married, my Mother-in-Law was, competition, I guess. Bob would talk to her several times a day and it made me crazy.
When I had my first baby, she came to our little condo to help. I was so mad! Our perfect little family turned into my husband becoming her son again, and her wanting to take my new baby so I could sleep. How dare she?! This is all so embarrassing to admit. All I could see was how she was trying to take over everything. I'm sure I was perfectly unbearable.
Later on, if we ever left our kids with her, I would type out four pages on "The Proper Care and Feeding of My Children". I am sure she tried to follow all my instructions, even though she had four children, seven other grand children, tons of nephews and nieces, and knew how to feed and bathe everyone of them! How wretched I must have been.
In my mind, I came up with a list of her "Mother Faults". If Bob did something wrong or annoying, I blamed her for raising him wrong. I looked for things to be irritated by, excuses for me to not like her. (This is still embarrassing.)
But through all my judging and complaint compiling, she was always serving me, accepting me, trying to figure out how to love me, and giving me room to make mistakes while I was growing up as a mother and a daughter.
That was a gift I will never be able to repay her for. She never talked about me to others, even though she could have made me out to be the worst Daughter-In-Law EVER! I never felt like she and her three daughters were complaining or gossiping about me. At family gatherings, which I didn't want to go to, I didn't ever feel like the aunts, uncles or cousins were judging me because of things they had been told. They loved me, because they thought she loved me!
Bob's mom gave me an environment where I was free to make mistakes, learn and grow-up. Because of how she handled me, I didn't have a reputation I had to fight when my heart started to change. I was free to become different than I was. She parented her children with respect, and trusted that they would do the right things. She also parented me that way.
It honestly was like 10 years of constant, unwavering love and service. I don't know how she had the will to keep spending time with me! But she stayed her course. And eventually, my feelings toward her started to change.
Bob's mom has that quality where each one of her grandchildren is pretty sure that they are her favorite. They would each have a really good case if it came to a debate. She is 78 and going through Chemotherapy right now. But Friday, she had her chemo treatment, got in the car, drove to Payson, picked up Bob's sister, then drove to St. George so she could spend the weekend watching my kids play soccer. They took the babies to the park and to the pond to feed the ducks, went to two soccer games, and played all day. Bob's mom and sister won't even go shopping or play with me while they are here, they just want to spend every second they are here with the kids. While Grandma Stookey is here, she folds clothes, cleans up the kitchen, and runs circles around me. And I have grown to adore her.
12 years have passed since I had that first baby. When I go out of town, I won't go until she and Bob's amazing sister, (who cries when she has to leave my kids), can watch them. (I don't leave instructions anymore.) They never make me feel like I am putting them out. His whole family makes all of my 5 kids feel loved and
Like Ruth Loved Naomi, I have learned to love Barbara. She is the strongest person I know. She has the gift of forgiveness. She has the gift of love. She doesn't judge, and when I have no one else I can talk to, I can confide in her.
In the early years, the one thing that would cause bad feelings between Bob and I were where we were going to spend holidays. When holidays come now, I want to be with Bob's family as much as he does. I love talking to his mom on the phone. I want my kids to spend time with her and to be taught by her. I see that most of the great qualities I love about my husband came from her. She is one of my dearest friends.
This Mother's Day, I am celebrating two mother's. My first dear mother, Rosalin, who made me so smart, and My Other Mother, Barbara, who made me smart-er. How I love them both.
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