Leave It Alone - Lessons on Forgiveness

Elder Ballard recently told a story in conference about a doctor who delivered a baby, saving the life of the mother and child. The overworked doctor had been spread thin through the country-side, and had been beckoned from the home of a diseased patient, arriving just in time. Mother and baby were thought to be safe. A few days later, however, the mother contracted the disease of the person whose home the doctor had come from, the young mother died.

Full of hate and anger, the husband vowed to put the doctor out of practice, seeking justice for his loss. A wise Stake President came to the man and said, "John, Leave it alone. Nothing you do about it will bring her back. Anything you do will make it worse."

Elder Ballard talked about how if this happened today, the man would have been pushed to file a mal-practice lawsuit, but following the council of his spiritual leader, he dropped action against the man. Elder Ballard said it wasn't until the man became old that he could finally see the other side of the situation. A poor doctor, overworked and under paid, had been strung from house to house, and had been fervently trying to save life wherever he could.

In May of 1978, just 18 months after I entered the world, my little sister, LaVonne, was born. My mother says she had thick, dark hair and had been beautiful. On that same day, she died.

I used to think about her almost every day. We were dear friends in my mind. When I pictured her, she looked just like Lyndsi Housekeeper and was just as sweet. I would ask Heavenly Father to tell her "Hi" when I would say my prayers, and every May 4th, I still wish she was here.

One year, maybe on her birthday, I called my mom. We talked and she told me about LaVonne again. I asked her what happened, how come she didn't live. Mom told me the baby had developed abnormally. Her legs were joined together, her head was enlarged and she had internal problems. I asked if there was a diagnosis. She said the hospital did an autopsy of some kind and it was determined that at around 5 weeks after conception, something had happened to effect the growth of the fetus.

Mom went on to tell me how early in the pregnancy, she had gotten sick and couldn't get in to see her doctor. An appointment was made to see a different doctor. The young man was just out of school. He had come to town and joined the practice. She told him she was pretty sure she was pregnant. He prescribed some medicine for her illness and she left.

I asked mom how come she didn't sue the doctor. I think I said something classy like, "We could have been rich!" My wise mother replied, "I didn't care about being rich. That wouldn't have brought her back, and it would have ruined his life. He was a young father with a young family, and I couldn't hurt him. It was an accident."

I don't think the doctor has any idea about my family's loss or the sacrifice offered when my parents chose to forgive him. I didn't even know who he was until one day when I got very sick and went in to see someone. A sweet aged man gently checked me over. He lovingly listened to me, took some tests, and said, "You are one sick girl." I was so sick, and needed to feel taken care of. Like no other doctor has, he did. He gave me some anti-biotics, then proudly introduced me to his beautiful medical assistant, who happened to be his daughter. She was sweet and sympathetic and I thought about how he must be a great dad.

When I called my mom later that day and told her I had been to the doctor, she told me he was the young man she had seen all those years before. I think perhaps the Lord was allowing me to see the fruit of my parent's forgiveness. How many lives had been blessed by this kind man?

I don't know the effect a lawsuit would have had on a small town doctor in 1978, but I know my parents thought it could have ruined his career, so they chose to "Leave it alone." My parents, who were only the age I am now, buried their baby. And while they grieved and struggled, they silently allowed his family to be blessed.

In "Standing for Something", President Hinckley talks about our litigious society. Even outside of court, we hold each other to the fire for mistakes we make. I am often an idiot, I offend people all the time by accident, (and impatience). It is a terrible feeling and I am so grateful when someone has the grace to forgive me.

In Young Women's this week we were asked how you let someone know how you feel about them. We brought up the point that sometimes, you don't. Ultimately, our goal is to have Christlike love for everyone. Perhaps instead of telling someone the bad things we don't like about them, we should be praying to be able to see some good things we can love about them, and we should ask for help to forgive them.

It seems like everyday I find myself with the need to be forgiven and in a position to give forgiveness. One of my Big Girl Pants goals is to master the principle of forgiveness. In the Sermon on the Mount, the Savior said, "For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you."

The Atonement allows us to hand our hurt over to the the Lord, even when someone isn't asking for forgiveness and even when they aren't sorry. When the offender or the offended wont participate, our partner in forgiveness has to be the Savior. We will have justice, those who have not sought forgiveness in this world will feel the pain of their actions in the next. But we can find peace now.  The Savior has paid to take our sins and our pain and provided a way for us to be free, move on, and "Leave It Alone."