Bugs, Sunburns and Heaven

Brock,
I am the "Finder" of the Rollie Pollies, you are the "Getter", got it? I don't want to touch the bugs. I have to touch enough stuff I don't want to.

Do you think we will be held accountable for all the Rollie Pollie lives that have been lost at your hands? As I was digging up the rocks during our hunt today, I thought a lot about that. But the value of the time you consume collecting them made me justify the possibility, so the hunts will continue.

I am not as worried about the loss of the lives of the ants, however. I figure if you don't kill them with the hammer, Bill the Bugman will spray them anyway. Either way, they will die.

My favorite quote by you this week was when you were in your boots and cowboy hat, standing next to the toilet and said,"Someone poisoned the waterhole!"

I was wondering if you and Blake could just keep some kind of clothes on so the neighbors don't yell at you again. Everyday, 4, 5, pair of shorts all over the lawn next to the baby pool. You're going to get a sunburn on your (wee-nis).

And next time we drive past the house you just walked in where the guy was screaming, "GET OUT! GET OUT OF HERE!" and you came running home in a panic, crying, let me know so I can apologize.

I loved laying on the grass with you today, snuggling and laughing after our bug hunt while you told me about the world as you know it. I love your snake lisp where your tongue comes all the way out past your teeth when you talk. I love how you love me SOOO much, and how you want me to do everything with you. I am so lucky to be your mom.

Last night at the table, you told us all how Heavenly Father lives in the clouds and you get to pet the lion cubs there. You asked me once if you could go there and see them. I told you one day you could, but for now, I needed you here with me. You are just the little boy I wanted.

I love you bubby.
Mom

Father's Day Poem/Idea

I know it's a little late to post this idea for a Father's Day lesson, but I will anyway, in case you run last minute like I do! I was asked to write something for something some year......this was it.

North Star

Loni Stookey

When a Father teaches, Sometimes it seems,

the little one has quite different dreams,

But when His young one goes afar,

The Father's Lessons are his child's North Star.

I think our ward had giant star shapes cookies made to hand out to the men in the ward with this tied to the top. You could buy big wood stars and have kids paint them then write the things they love about their dad on them.  Happy Father's Day!

Sometimes Tatoos Might Be OK

My 9 year old son came home from Jumping Jacks (indoor bounce houses), yesterday with a giant tatoo of a skull, snakes, swords and other annoying things surrounding it. It was huge and I was not a fan. I asked him to work on getting it off. This morning he came in to my room in his robe and said, "Look Mom, It's almost off." He had been working on scratching it off all night and this morning. He is a good boy, isn't he? I said "Oh, thank you Trevor, You are such a good kid." When Trevor was baptized, I explained to him that the reason we get baptized is that we are joining Jesus' team. We devote our life to Him, serve Him and do what He asks us to do. We talked about this again and then Trev said, "Yah.......I think if I get a real tatoo," and he motioned down the length of his arm from shoulder to wrist to show me where the real tatoo would go, "it will say something like, 'I know my Savior lives' or  'Choose the Right'." After thinking about this for a few minutes, I have decided to consent to said tatoos, just so he never forgets either one of those two things.

PS. If I ever get a tatoo, it will be on my forehead, and it will say, "Not the Maid."

Rollie Pollie Respect

As I was wiping up the dis-membered Rollie Pollie from my kitchen counter today, I thought about a story a friend told me this week about his child-hood housekeeper who found a tupperware of grasshoppers he had put in the fridge as a small boy. She opened the lid and screamed as they tried to jump out. His mother came running, and he went hiding. As he snuck closer to find out how much trouble he was going to be in, he heard her say to the housekeeper, "Well, isn't that the sweetest thing!"

My friend went on to say that his mother was always on his side. She always believed in him, supported him and cheered him on. That was a great lesson for me this week. I get upset with my older kids when they make a mistake because I think they should know better. A lot of the time, I am more worried about what the world around us will think or how that mistake has put me out. But if my kids grow up and don't feel loved and respected and accepted, I really won't care what anyone else thinks, I'll just regret not loving them more.

So, this is what I am going to work on: A) Making sure my kids know I believe in them, and that I am on their side and  B) I'm trying really hard to not talk to them with a "that was stupid" tone in my voice, which is so disrespectful, and so easy to do.

Yep, that was a good lesson for me.

Leave It Alone - Lessons on Forgiveness

Elder Ballard recently told a story in conference about a doctor who delivered a baby, saving the life of the mother and child. The overworked doctor had been spread thin through the country-side, and had been beckoned from the home of a diseased patient, arriving just in time. Mother and baby were thought to be safe. A few days later, however, the mother contracted the disease of the person whose home the doctor had come from, the young mother died.

Full of hate and anger, the husband vowed to put the doctor out of practice, seeking justice for his loss. A wise Stake President came to the man and said, "John, Leave it alone. Nothing you do about it will bring her back. Anything you do will make it worse."

Elder Ballard talked about how if this happened today, the man would have been pushed to file a mal-practice lawsuit, but following the council of his spiritual leader, he dropped action against the man. Elder Ballard said it wasn't until the man became old that he could finally see the other side of the situation. A poor doctor, overworked and under paid, had been strung from house to house, and had been fervently trying to save life wherever he could.

In May of 1978, just 18 months after I entered the world, my little sister, LaVonne, was born. My mother says she had thick, dark hair and had been beautiful. On that same day, she died.

I used to think about her almost every day. We were dear friends in my mind. When I pictured her, she looked just like Lyndsi Housekeeper and was just as sweet. I would ask Heavenly Father to tell her "Hi" when I would say my prayers, and every May 4th, I still wish she was here.

One year, maybe on her birthday, I called my mom. We talked and she told me about LaVonne again. I asked her what happened, how come she didn't live. Mom told me the baby had developed abnormally. Her legs were joined together, her head was enlarged and she had internal problems. I asked if there was a diagnosis. She said the hospital did an autopsy of some kind and it was determined that at around 5 weeks after conception, something had happened to effect the growth of the fetus.

Mom went on to tell me how early in the pregnancy, she had gotten sick and couldn't get in to see her doctor. An appointment was made to see a different doctor. The young man was just out of school. He had come to town and joined the practice. She told him she was pretty sure she was pregnant. He prescribed some medicine for her illness and she left.

I asked mom how come she didn't sue the doctor. I think I said something classy like, "We could have been rich!" My wise mother replied, "I didn't care about being rich. That wouldn't have brought her back, and it would have ruined his life. He was a young father with a young family, and I couldn't hurt him. It was an accident."

I don't think the doctor has any idea about my family's loss or the sacrifice offered when my parents chose to forgive him. I didn't even know who he was until one day when I got very sick and went in to see someone. A sweet aged man gently checked me over. He lovingly listened to me, took some tests, and said, "You are one sick girl." I was so sick, and needed to feel taken care of. Like no other doctor has, he did. He gave me some anti-biotics, then proudly introduced me to his beautiful medical assistant, who happened to be his daughter. She was sweet and sympathetic and I thought about how he must be a great dad.

When I called my mom later that day and told her I had been to the doctor, she told me he was the young man she had seen all those years before. I think perhaps the Lord was allowing me to see the fruit of my parent's forgiveness. How many lives had been blessed by this kind man?

I don't know the effect a lawsuit would have had on a small town doctor in 1978, but I know my parents thought it could have ruined his career, so they chose to "Leave it alone." My parents, who were only the age I am now, buried their baby. And while they grieved and struggled, they silently allowed his family to be blessed.

In "Standing for Something", President Hinckley talks about our litigious society. Even outside of court, we hold each other to the fire for mistakes we make. I am often an idiot, I offend people all the time by accident, (and impatience). It is a terrible feeling and I am so grateful when someone has the grace to forgive me.

In Young Women's this week we were asked how you let someone know how you feel about them. We brought up the point that sometimes, you don't. Ultimately, our goal is to have Christlike love for everyone. Perhaps instead of telling someone the bad things we don't like about them, we should be praying to be able to see some good things we can love about them, and we should ask for help to forgive them.

It seems like everyday I find myself with the need to be forgiven and in a position to give forgiveness. One of my Big Girl Pants goals is to master the principle of forgiveness. In the Sermon on the Mount, the Savior said, "For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you."

The Atonement allows us to hand our hurt over to the the Lord, even when someone isn't asking for forgiveness and even when they aren't sorry. When the offender or the offended wont participate, our partner in forgiveness has to be the Savior. We will have justice, those who have not sought forgiveness in this world will feel the pain of their actions in the next. But we can find peace now.  The Savior has paid to take our sins and our pain and provided a way for us to be free, move on, and "Leave It Alone."

Loving Rilee

When I was first married, I had a friend who told me when her daughter was three, she didn't like her. I had never had a 3 year old daughter, but I knew everything about everything and was shocked. What a horrible thing for her to say!

Soon after, I had my first child. A beautiful, perfect, happy girl. I can say without batting an eye, that I was the best mother of one child below the age of three that there has ever been.

Then two things happened:  I had my second child, and my daughter turned three. My perfection soon fell down around my neck, and it choked me, and I have never thought I was a perfect mother since.

Heavenly Father has a good sense of humor, doesn't he? I often find myself having experiences that I once judged someone else for. This was one of those.

For the first time in my life, I had a very strong willed, creative, smart, difficult 3 year old, and I was having a hard time. She will tell you a sad story about me slapping her face once when she was three. Don't call the police, but I did. She was freaking out, screaming hysterically, and I, the once perfect mother of one baby, had been consoling and bribing and soothing her (I can't remember the cause of the fit), for a half hour while she flipped and flopped and screamed in my face. Finally I just slapped her to shock her out of it. I know better now, today, I would just take her to her room, shut the door, and wait until she calmed down. But at that point, the whole world revolved around her and separation didn't even occur to me. Those days were stressful, I just didn't know what to do.

I remember thinking one day, that if I poured enough love on her, my heart and her heart would have to change.  I think that was one of those moments of inspiration that if you trust and follow, everything changes. I started having dates with her very young. I taught her how to bat and throw a ball. I pitched to her on our front lawn every day for months. If she hit the ball over the neighbors low wall, it was a home-run and she would sprint around the baseball diamond of shoes while I clapped and cheered. It really was a "Fake it Till you Make it" situation. We learned the alphabet and sounds by stacking ABC blocks, and I read a billion books to her.

Looking back, I think that was one of the hardest times of my life as a mother, having a new baby and a three year old, for the first time. Your hormones are changing, you are getting into a groove with the new baby, and you have a three year old, who understands what you say, but has no desire to DO what you say.

That inspiration to pour more love on her was the trick. Once we had that fun, one on one relationship, she was more likely to do what I asked her to do. I have to keep that in check with everyone of my kids still.

Today, my Rilee is one of the most amazing people I know. Without a doubt, we were best friends in heaven and asked the Father to come here together. We are from the same mold, she is more like me than anyone I know, but better.

This morning, on our way to school she told me she was not eating at the school BBQ. I asked her if she packed a lunch. She said no. Then she told me she was hungry because she hadn't eaten breakfast either, "What?" I said, "You can't go clear to the end of school without eating!" Then I remembered her little friend that is in Primary Children's Hospital waiting for a new heart. "Are you fasting?" I asked, she just nodded. She has never fasted before.

We have had some hard times, that girl and I, but we hold hands and go through them together. There may come a time when she lets go, but I am going to follow her around, throwing love dust on her head, until she reaches back for me again. Remind me of that later, ok?

I trust her. I respect her. I ask her advice. I admire her. I need her, and I am strengthened by her. Being Rilee's mother has been one of the great privileges of my life.

Letter of Resignation - Warning, Graphic Mental Images

Dear Brock,
There is a really good chance one of us is not going to make it today. Can you tell me what could be so much fun about poo that you felt like you needed to take the Witch skiing in it? And why you wanted to walk through it and track it all over the deck? Can you tell me what the motivation was behind the poo frosting you put on the two airports and jumbo plane?

When I put you in the tub, I had to scrape it out of your toe nails. Blake was carrying a felt horse when you both came in, I just threw away. Then I had to put him in the tub with you because your poop was all over his hands and on his face. It is just more than I can take.

I got you out, and went to clean the deck. It wasn't as bad as I expected, until you showed me where the actual scene of the crime was. It was caked in the deep wood grain, smashed between the planks, and wiped on the screen door. After the scrubbing, I was on my way back inside and noticed you also got the big window, again. I just don't understand. Is it art?

Also, did you HAVE to give Radar the Dog a lotion bath today? Why? Why would you do that?

As if this wasn't enough, you ran all the way down to the turtles, twice. One time you took Blake, one time you were completely naked. The weenie bird is going to get you if you are not careful. I am tired of hiking down after you Brock, therefore, I am giving my notice.

I quit as the poop checker and the turtle toddler retriever. You are going to have to find someone else.  I'm staying on as your mom, that is my favorite job EVER, but I am am rewriting my job description.

Ironically, during your 3 prayers at dinner tonight, you said, "Bless that mom and daddy won't run away," "Bless that mom and dad be nice," and "Bless that we'll have a good time." Heavenly Father hears you Brock, you are definitely having a good time.

Love,
Your Tired Mother

PS. On a good note, thanks for the big smiles, being the happiest guy ever and telling me you "love me more." You are a good boy.