Staying Home

I was up all night for the second night in a row. Brock at my feet, Blake next to me, so I could make sure their fevers didn't get too high. I kept thinking Brock was going to roll off the bed, so I would jump every time he moved. Blake was 104.5 when we went into the doctor last night. The doctor says it's flu or RSV, we should know today. They both slept like 22 hours yesterday! It was kind of nice I must say. Brock walked into the office between naps and said, "Mom, I need you." I asked him what he needed and he said he just needed me to hold him. He didn't care where, he just needed me. He has been saying it all day again. Everytime he says it I think, "Yes, you do", and I scoop him up and we snuggle and kiss and I don't care if I get sick because it makes both of us feel safe. So yesterday I thought, "What does a mom that works do when this happens?" How could you leave a 3 year old that is 104 with someone else? I am so grateful I don't have to. I imagine there is a bit of fear when a mom has to call her boss and say her kids are sick again and she can't come in. I'm sure people get fired! Do they? What if it is a single mom supporting the family? I feel so bad! My car is about to die, it has over 130,000 miles. We replaced the transmission for the second time this summer. The check engine light is on. There is a hole in the driver's seat, I put the heater on this morning and about got burned, I can barely see over the steering wheel now because the hole is getting so deep. I look like a grandma in a Cadillac. We hardly eat out, we haven't been on a family vacation for years, we have no boats or trailers or cabins.....and that is what I have given up to hold my kids when they are sick. It is what I have given up to be able to sit with Rilee when she comes home so I can find out about the mean kids on the bus that scare her, or so we can have a quick date of movie and treats in my bed while the other kids are at school and the babies are sleeping. It is what I give up so I can help in Whitley and Trevor's classes so they see me making them my first priority. Some moms' first priority has to be to feed and shelter their kids. That's what mom's do, take care of their kids however they have to. I am so grateful I have a husband that goes to work every day and is willing to go without stuff too so I can do this. So hats off to all my friends and sistas who put their kids, that they chose to have, first. However that is. Whether it means going without, or providing for their physical needs by working. Momness rocks. One day, I'll get to be just me again. And I'll be super selfish and eat lunch with my friends everyday and get pedicures and stuff. But today, I'll let Whitley paint my toes, literally my toes, instead.